Unlearning, Learning and Relearning Identities {Reflections Redeemed}
Finding Ourselves through Our Values
There is an innate need for most people to find themselves, to know more about who they are or who they want to be, and to understand why they want to embody these identities. However, this often comes with a struggle to pick, select, or choose what we actually want and what we look for.
For this, we need to take the chance and the opportunity to choose something to follow and abide by: a set of values to ultimately believe in and reflect in our behavior.
There is an undeniable rule: a belief without a behavior is an opinion. We tend to think that what we say is who we are, but actually, it is what we do. What we say, on the other hand, reflects more of what we think we are or what we want people to think we are. The deal-breakers and true beliefs are revealed in our actions and behaviors. These behaviors reflect what we stand for and what our personalities revolve around: the values we carry, which we might deny or try to beautify.
Consistency and the Forces That Shape Our Values
There might be mistakes that happen occasionally, because the consistency of the actions a person takes determines their value system and the set of priorities they truly adhere to.
But after some thought, there are forces and factors that might influence or affect our values, sometimes internally and sometimes externally. Internally, external experiences might have an impact on us and cause us to drift from our value system or priorities. This might also happen when we do not have a strong sense of values or what is sometimes called, in psychology, an internal reference point to which we revert.
External factors might include the voices of the people surrounding us, how these voices shape our decisions, and how we perceive ourselves and our surroundings.
Sometimes, there is a conflict between the set of values we intentionally choose to embrace and the loudness of the external voices in our surroundings. Sometimes, we need to normalize the conflict between our values and the environment surrounding us in order to pursue what we truly want. Sometimes, we have to compromise our short-sighted or immediate desires for what is going to be of true value.
Whatever we choose to believe, time is there to test our beliefs, our priorities, and what we consider our responsibility to take action for. Values need consistency, sincerity, integrity, and perseverance. We live unconsciously, but from time to time, we need to be intentional and conscious about what we live by and what we live for.
The Conflict Between Chosen and Unconscious Values
When we decide consciously and intentionally to live by a specific, carefully selected set of values, a conflict might surface. The conflict lies in unlearning some of the values we unconsciously live by. It lies in the meanings and perceptions we unconsciously believe in and live by.
The struggle will be in redefining those meanings in order to truly assimilate the new values we want to intentionally incorporate into our belief system and behavior.
Living With Intention
We have to live with more intentional choices. Therefore, we need to teach ourselves how to incorporate these values on purpose by unlearning and learning what constitutes our identity and the meanings behind our true values and actions.
We need to be aware of who we are, not merely from what we say or what people say we are, but from what we do, as our actions reveal what we truly believe in.
Ultimately, knowing who we are requires more than defining what we believe; it requires examining how consistently we live by those beliefs.
References
1. Schwartz, S. H. (1994). Are there universalaspects in the structure and contents ofhuman values?Journal of Social Issues, 50(4),19–45.
2. Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of CognitiveDissonance. Stanford University Press.
3. Schwartz, S. H. (2006). Basic humanvalues: Theory, measurement, and applications.Revue Française deSociologie, 47(4), 929–968.
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